DVD Reviews

Sorority Row
Stewart Hendler
E1 Entertainment UK
Available Now - £19.99 (DVD) and £24.99 (Blu-ray)
Review by Brad Harmer

Sorority sisters (does anyone in the UK really know what a sorority is, anyway?) Cassidy, Jessica, Claire, Ellie and Megan (played by that one from The Hills who looks a bit like Marilyn Manson) are sworn to trust, secrecy and solidarity, no matter what. But their loyalty is pushed to the limit when a prank at a raucous house party goes fatally wrong...for Megan. Rather than confess to the crime and risk destroying their futures, the girls agree to hide the bloody corpse and their secret forever.

A year on as graduation approaches, the sisters prepare to say goodbye to the house and each other, with one last alcohol-fuelled bash on Sorority Row, confident that their dark secret will remain buried forever. As the party rages in the front yard and spills to the bedrooms and the hot tub, each girl receives a video taken the night of Megan’s murder from an anonymous sender. One by one, the sisters and their unsuspecting boyfriends are stalked by an unseen killer. Has Mega returned from the dead to exact her revenge? Or was their secret discovered by someone else? Someone now determined to make them pay?

Hollywood needs to stop remaking movies. Now. Whilst we’re on the subject, cut out the re-boots. And the sequels. And this bizarre delusion that George Clooney is one of the greatest actors ever.

Incidentally, I use my BlackBerry to update my Facebook page. I just thought I’d slip that in with all the subtlety that Sorority Row displays.

There is one really, really good thing about this movie, and that’s that we get to see Carrie Fisher kicking large amounts of arse with a shotgun. That’s about it.

On the down side, this film is uninspired, slow, poorly edited, and interrupted by shameless bursts BLACKBERRY of product placement. And, it feels too damn, laminated for MTV to be a real slasher movie. The moviemakers need to re-watch Friday the 13th, The Burning and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre – then maybe they’ll realise where they went wrong with this crock BLACKBERRY of crap.

The Emotionally Fourteen Rating:
Violence: All the stabberings, blood, gore and deaths you’d associate with a vacuous slasher movie.
Sex/Nudity: Some boobage and some foreplay. One attempted date-rape.
Swearing: Average for the genre.
Summary: A completely flat and unengaging slasher movie that so mass-proBLACKBERRYduced that it feels laminated. A feeble effort. 2/10

1941
Steven Spielberg
Universal Pictures
Available Now - £14.99 (DVD)
Review by Blake Harmer

Regarded as Steven Spielberg’s biggest flop, 1941 finally makes its way to DVD, and to be honest; despite it’s poor reception, is actually a really good comedy and rightly deserves its cult status. It has big comedy names of the time such as John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, as well as a great comedy villain in the form of Christopher Lee. Also, with a script from Robert Zemeckis, you won’t be surprised that it is filled to the brim with slapstick and contains some really big laughs.

The plot is centred around wartime America after the attack on Pearl Harbour, and looks at the widespread panic and paranoia that gripped the country, specifically Los Angeles, where a Japanese Submarine with a Nazi commander (Christopher Lee) overlooking the operations attempt to locate and blow up Hollywood.

This film makes for some entertaining viewing with superb slapstick moments and some incredibly big laughs, however, the film does seem to lose it’s way towards the end plot wise, and the film does at time feel like a series of sketches crudely formed into a movie. But, the biggest failing is purely that the big laughs are paced too far apart, leaving you time to sew up your sides before having them split again.

The Emotionally Fourteen Rating
Violence: Lots of explosions and slapstick fighting but no death or gory scenes.
Sex/Nudity: A couple of nude moments, but you don’t really see anything as it is mostly done for comedic purposes.
Swearing: A fair amount of swearing and cursing but nothing really over the top for a comedy of its time.
Summary: A good film, which never really got the acclaim it deserved, if you’re a fan of Zemeckis’ work then you won’t be disappointed, and whilst it is well directed, the film contains some bits which feel more like a John Landis film rather than one created by Spielberg. However, despite its flaws, this is worth a watch, even if it is only to see how good a film a box office flop can be. 7/10

Robot Chicken: Season 3
Revolver Entertainment
Available Now - £19.99 (DVD)
Review by Blake Harmer

Seth Green is back with a third series of Robot Chicken taking toys that you knew and loved as a kid and putting them in more bizarre situations, in the vein of cult comic Twisted Toyfare Theatre.

Fans of the show will not be disappointed as the show returns on top form after the already brilliant second series. My favourite sketches include the nerd entering Narnia and thinking it is a LARP, the Defenders of the Earth Neighbourhood Watch, the piss take of the cat in the hat, and the rape ghost. Chuck in more of the great special features that the Robot Chicken DVDs are known for and you have another great package.

However, the only thing that stops this becoming hugely essential is your own geek knowledge of films, superheroes, Saturday morning cartoons and science fiction. Sure Robot Chicken has a sketch that will make anyone laugh, but it really depends on what your interests are to how much you find it funny. So, if you’re Emotionally Fourteen like me, then this is damn near essential, if not you may want to watch a few episodes on TV before you go shelling your money on it.

The Emotionally Fourteen Rating
Violence: Comical and over the top violence which does lead to quite a lot of gore and visual death scenes. But it is done in a funny way rather than an attempt to scar you emotionally. Hey, if you like Snarf being accidentally stabbed by Lion-o, only for his most important dying words to “SNNNNNAAAAAARRRRRFFFFFFFF!”, then this is the show for you.
Sex/Nudity: Comical sexual nudity and sex scenes using toys that have no bits.
Swearing: Lots of swear words including the brilliant “Holy F**king A**ecrackers” as a personal favourite.
Summary: This is an excellent box set and continues on the show’s high level of quality from the second series. The majority of the sketches, whilst hit and miss occasionally, are hilarious overall, and the extras are excellent if you are fans of the show. If you loved the previous series, then this is a must. 9/10

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Season 3
Revolver Entertainment
Available Now - £19.99 (DVD)
Review by Brad Harmer

In case you don’t know, this is how it goes down. Aqua Teen Hunger Force stars Master Shake, a sadistic, lazy milkshake; Frylock, an erudite, floating packet of fries and Meatwad, a simple‐minded, easily‐lead meatball and their corpulent next door neighbour Carl. They live in New Jersey in a less‐than‐salubrious situation. Seriously, you should see their kitchen. There are plenty of badly thought out attempts to score booze, cash, women, and booze. And cash. Guest characters abound, including Frat Aliens, killer robot scorpions, a clown virus, Ozzy Osbourne’s guitarist, and Zakk Wylde.

Like much of the recent wave of animated comedy, the humour of Aqua Teen Hunger Force is strangely hit and miss. Some episodes can have you howling on the couch with laughter, and the others sneering derisively, muttering to yourself about how you could writer better stuff that this.

There is, however, an undeniable charm to the show. Each of the four principal characters is so unique and gets so many good one-liners in, it’s very hard to pick who your favourite is. What’s more, even when the plot of an episode is dying on its arse, there’s usually more than a couple of chuckle moments in there to ease it along.

The Emotionally Fourteen Rating:
Violence: Several moments of comedy violence, death and destruction.
Sex/Nudity: A couple of risqué moments – references to S&M.
Swearing: Some comedic and creative language.
Summary: An enjoyable animated sit-com with some quirkly humour that will go over well with fans, but won’t convert anyone. 7/10

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Available on DVD from 1st February!

It is a time of swords & sorcery. It is an age of dragons & heroes. In this mythical time comes a magisterial epic, unlike anything you’ve seen before.

The Dark Knight Krill (Brian Thompson - that Alien Bounty Hunter from The X-Files)has summoned the Fire Dragon in a bid to become supreme ruler of this ancient world. As armies maraud through his town, young Arkadi escapes the chaos and murder to the mountains bordering their country and the darkness beyond. With his king dead and the earth of his beloved world scorched and destroyed, Arkadi discovers his destiny is to join with the legendary Maxim (Marc Singer - The FUCKING Beastmaster!)and become ‘The Keeper’.

Together with Maxim and his skilled warrior protégé, the beautiful Katya, this fellowship must find the missing stones of an ancient amulet. They are said to allow its owner to summon the great forces of the Dragon lords to battle and defeat Krill once and for all.

Thanks to our friends at Metrodome Distribution, we've got three copies of Dragonquest to give away! For your chance of winning one, send us an e-mail to dragonquestgiveaway@rocketmail.com with your name and postal address before midday on Saturday 6th February (UK time). The first three names drawn out of the electronic hat will win free copy!